Boxing Glove - Forgiveness
I stood in a prayer circle with a group of 40 college students from across the country, we had just finished a long weekend of ministry and were about to load into our vehicles for another long drive to somewhere when an abrasive and angry voice burst into the room, “GET OUT OF HERE!” “YOU NEED TO GET OUT!”
I was stunned, instantly angry, and nearly knocked out with discouragement. His words titled our year.
A student mission organization had assembled that team of students to travel to all 50 states to get the spiritual state of the union, my husband and I were two of the leaders, and we experienced the best and the worst of the Church. We were an interruption and an inconvenience and were repeatedly reminded of that.
The last words the Church spoke to us in our last city after 320 days of travel were these, “Can you get out of here please? He needs to vacuum.”
A stunning summary.
Jesus said, ‘You strain out at a gnat and you swallow a camel.’ (Luke 23) We still do.
I could not bear the horrid choices so many Churches were making and the devastating impact, I imploded with anger.
I was a mother of three small children with one on the way and I had no idea where to put my anger and rage. I ended up struggling with misplaced anger at my sweet kiddo’s, disturbing and concerning. My mom recommended a book to me called, “The Other Side of Love” (Gary Chapman), it was helpful and led me to a 7 day fast before the Lord to beg him for his help in expressing the rage that burned inside my heart.
God tends to answer prayers like that, the Gospel rests solely on the premise of forgiveness. The answer came through a vision of sorts while listening to some worship music.
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The vision was of a young girl named Beloved in a dance with Jesus, he gave her a white rose and as they danced she grew into a beautiful young woman. Beloved was soon noticed by others and especially caught the eye of the Betrayer who approached her with a red rose, she was flattered when he offered it to her. Jesus warned her not to leave the dance with him, but she was captivated by the fragrance of the red rose and her gaze fell to the extended hand of the Betrayer. She thought it would just be a moment and didn’t even realize that she had dropped the white rose. The dance with the betrayer was hard, wounding, and shamefu. Beloved didn’t look the same, she was disheveled, humiliated, and discarded- left alone in a heap by the Betrayer who smirked with satisfaction as he walked away.
Jesus watched it all in agony- and approached his Beloved to offer her the white rose again, she didn’t have the strength to look up at Jesus but she pulled the white rose to her chest and wept. Jesus held her while her soul shook her body with sobs, he held her and she buried her face into his chest, he began to rock her gently side to side to soothe her pain and to quiet her. He was dancing with her again.
Beloved was ashamed. She wanted to hide forever, but Jesus wanted to dance- she couldn’t remember how. Beloved stared at her feet willing them to move, trying to remember the steps, the dance was a mystery to her now. Betrayal and shame stole her joy and now she could only fail, this reality was too bitter for Beloved to swallow so she shoved Jesus back and turned to run away.
Where would she go? She stopped and stared into the dark and was paralyzed with fear, Jesus picked up her discarded white rose and pursued her. He offered her the white rose a third time and this time he lifted her eyes to meet his adoring gaze- she was too weak to resist, she locked her eyes onto His and His light melted away the darkness, shame, failure, and pain with the last
of the tears. Then Jesus smiled and somehow his joy was enough to spark a tiny flame of courage in Beloved’s heart. She smiled in return and placed her hand tightly into the hand of Jesus and the dance began again, only this time it wasn’t just beautiful, it was powerful.
******
After this vision, my soul melted with Beloved’s. I knew what Jesus wanted me to see. He showed me that I was just like Beloved, I had danced with the Betrayer. I was guilty. I was broken. I was ashamed. It was His love that had restored me. He put the white rose into my hand.
I knew the Church was Beloved. She had also danced with the Betrayer and was trying to get the dance right, watching her feet and willing them to move. Her dance had become stiff and painful to watch.
Jesus was showing me all that he had forgiven in me and He was calling me to offer the Church the white rose of forgiveness.
He gave me the rose to give to the Church, and to my enemies, and to everyone who has ever danced with the betrayer.
I have been empowered with the ability to forgive for 20 years now. When I fight with forgiveness I see heaven open and I sense hell shaking- nothing moves the earth like forgiveness. Nothing.
I know of nothing more powerful than a white rose.
